


Tut

by shniam



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: King Tut, M/M, Sillyness, random facts, sort of Egyptology
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-31
Updated: 2014-03-31
Packaged: 2018-01-17 17:41:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1396732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shniam/pseuds/shniam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry has been reading about Egypt.  Whilst waiting in a  'green room' he imparts an odd fact about King Tutankhamen and his penis, it results in pure sillyness.</p>
<p>The result of helping my son research for a school project.  This fact didnt make it into his project!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tut

**Author's Note:**

> King Tut was mummified with an erect penis. Who knew it would result in a very silly fic!
> 
> This is a true fact.

Harry was nothing if not unpredictable. Since finding an old copy of National Geographic with an article about King Tutankhamen in, he had gathered every available article and book he could find in the city they were in. He was currently sat Buddha like in a chair with his new favourite book in one hand and an apple in the other. 

“Didn't you learn about Tut in school Haz?” Louis asked as he walked behind Harry’s chair, flicking his ear as he passed before throwing himself on the sofa next to the chair and resting his feet over the arm.

“Yeah, but don’t ‘member much. Tended to piss about in class.” Harry drawled, not looking up from his book.

“Really, you pissing about in class? Never would have thought it!” 

Harry glanced up briefly, “Sarcasm is not one of your strong points Lou.” 

“No, it’s probably one of my finest!” Came back Louis with a smug smile.

“Only in your books Lou, only in yours.” Zayns voice was low as he continued his drawing, he was determined to perfect Harry’s curls and he was taking advantage of the time he was still.

“And my books are the only ones that count!”

Knowing that Louis was determined to get the last word in regardless, Zayn just shook his head and went back to his drawing. “What you learned so far anyway Harry?” 

“Well,” The pause gave everyone the feeling that they were in for a long detailed explanation. “Did you know that Tutankhamen was mummified with an erect penis?”

Niall spluttered crisps over the room, “Ya kidding me?! He had a boner when he died?!”

Harry sighed patiently. “No, I don’t think so. When he died the priests mummified him with his penis at a full 90 degrees.” Using his hands to show the described angle.

Whether it was the subject under discussion or the solemn manner in which Harry had presented it, the room erupted in laughter.

Louis waved a hand around for Harry to continue his lecture. “So why in gods name did they do that to the poor guy?!” 

Harry gave a small shrug. “Well that’s it really; religion. The priests tried to make him appear like Osiris to stop some religious revolution started by his dad.”

Unconsciously crossing his legs, Niall shook his head . “That sucks.” 

Harry turned a page in his book. “Not sure they did that to him, though doubt he would have minded.”

Nudging Harry’s arm with his foot, Louis looked at Harry with half closed eyes. “Before or after he was dead?”

Harry looked up with the patented Zayn ‘you-are-being-an-idiot’ look. “Why would you even ask that?” 

“Because it’s a legitimate question.”

“You are a very sick individual Louis Tomlinson.”

“Hey, you are the one who started it!”

All that received was a glare from over the top of Harry’s book as he took a bite from his apple.

“Cocks must have played an important part in Egyptian life then.” Louis decided confidently. He lay back on the sofa with his hands behind his head, apparently convinced that he had had the last word.

“Unless you were a Eunuch.” Liam supplied.

“A what?!” Louis was not impressed that someone else had spoken. 

“Come on Lou, don’t tell me you didn't learn about Egypt at school!” 

“Of course I did.” Louis may have sounded a bit incredulous when he spoke. “Just don’t remember much about them.” He mumbled. 

“Generally eunuchs were males who were castrated before they reached puberty. Sometimes the word is used for men who were celibate or impotent.” Came the words of wisdom from behind Harry’s book.

“Either way it means someone who hasn't got working balls.” Louis nodded as he spoke.

“You have such a beautiful way with words Lou.” Zayn sighed.

“Too fucking right! Haven’t you heard my songs?!” 

Zayn shook his head and gave his patented look.

“How does that relate to King Tut then?” Asked Niall before munching some more on his crisps.

“Its obvious isn't it?” Louis interjected before Harry could speak. “They worshipped the cock and therefore needed to mummify Tuts dick.”

“Lou, just ‘cause you worship cock doesn't mean the rest of the world does.” Zayn tried to keep his voice remaining even but his eyes betrayed his amusement. 

“Bollocks, or in this case lack of, I just worship Harry’s cock and totally understand that there are some freaks out there who don’t. Worship cock that is, not just Harry’s. Because that’s mine.”

“Glad you could clear that up for us Louis.” Liam sat down next to his friend and patted his leg as he looked at the glare Harry was giving in Louis’ direction.

Louis waved his hands in the air, trying to convey a ‘your welcome to my wisdom’ sign.

“Anything else to bestow on us regarding Tutankhamen’s dick?” Liam asked. “Just, we need to get shifting in 5.”

Harry tossed his apple core in the bin and slipped a piece of paper in between his pages, “Other than that's its missing? No, think that's it.” He said as he closed the book with one hand.

“Its missing? Shit, the poor bastard.” Niall shook his head and stood, brushing crumbs off his jeans.

“What happened?”

“No-one knows.” Harry shrugged as he placed the book in his bag, “It broke off after the tomb was opened, appears to have been stolen.”

“So someone somewhere has an alter to King Tut to worship his cock. Cool” Louis sounded almost impressed as he stood up.

Harry gave another Zayn-look and headed to the door but stopped when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Tonight I will be worshipping at my own alter.” Came the whispered voice in his ear.


End file.
